


Reason to Fight

by ViiKirschtein



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Death, Depression, Fighting, Flashbacks, M/M, dealing, inner conflict
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-08
Updated: 2015-02-08
Packaged: 2018-03-11 03:43:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3312632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ViiKirschtein/pseuds/ViiKirschtein
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things shouldn't have been like this.<br/>You shouldn't have died.<br/>Its not fair.. but its a cruel word and there isn't anything I can do about it but continue to fight for your sake. <br/>I'll do what I can to stay alive, but I can promise that I will. <br/>Things get hard.. and I don't have you here to support me.. so what do I do know, Marco. </p>
<p>Love, Jean.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is from my fanfiction work from Wattpad (@TheWriterof1999)  
> It begins straight on top of the story and starts to ride off to the side.  
> It isn't going to go exactly with the story line but it goes in the mangas.

The Battle of Trost End:  
Intro

'Ugh.. what is on my hands' I thought to myself, observing my yellow rubber gloved hands. I re adjusted the medical mask they required us to wear. It's surprising they actually care. I scanned my eyes to the left staring at all the bodies we lost in this battle. This as just our first battle and looks at all these deaths, even freak show won't live long enough to save humanity at this rate.

That's when I dragged my eyes to the left. I stopped dead in my tracks. My breathing went hitched.

...That can't be, out of all the trainees.

A body was slumped over against a wall, the left side of the man's face, arm and torso had obviously been eaten.

"My god..." I said in disbelief. His hand rested upon the filthy, blood stained 104th Trainees Squad uniform. "Is that you... Marco?" My eyes wide as my voice shook. There was a gentle breeze that flowed past, delicately making that parted black hair swing with it. His face pale, his freckles light, his mouth... He didn't even have lips anymore. His used to be beaming light brown eyes, the color of fresh caramel, were dull, half way open and just... cold. My hands began to shake.

"Cadet" A female wearing the same gloves and medical called out in a formal tone as she approached me. I just stared at my shaking hands. "You know his name?"

"I hadn't seen him in a while" I stared at my gloves, mumerring to myself "But I never thought he'd be..." My breath was all caught in my throat like a trap "Marco..." I looked over at his slumped body, "What happened?" My voice at a near whisper. I faced away from the lady I've ignored, "Did anyone... see how he died?" I asked softly to no one in particular. I started to walk away before the lady spoke up again.

"What's his name? If you know, answer me right now" She demanded, I stopped, only turning half way around to glare at her with one eye. "Understand, Cadet? Two days have passed by since the hole was plugged with the boulder, but we still aren't done recovering the bodies" I turned half way around but turned my face towards her as she continued, "At this rate, contagious diseases might spread. We have to prevent a secondary disaster. There's no time to mourn the deaths of our comrades yet, Understand?"

I wanted to call her bitch, I wanted to scream and shout like a 5 year old throwing a tantrum. But, I couldn't. I simply adjusted my sight to Marco, my very best and only true friend. He lied there... cold and lifeless. Not something I'd ever thought I'd have to see, especially not like this. Torn apart by a God damn titan. Every able part of my body was shaking by this point.

"104 Cadet Corps... Squad 19 Leader.." I gulped, "Marco... Bodt" I stared at him as she continued to talk.

"Marco, you say? I'm glad we know his name. Let's keep working" The grey-haired lady said as she walked away. I gulped again, fearing the burning tears that brimmed at the duct of my eyes would fall. I simply took a breath before walking away with my fists clinched.


	2. What Should Be Done: Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The funeral of Marco

What Should Be Done:   
Chapter 1

 

It took another two and a half days to finish collecting all the bodies and names to go along, they still couldn't even do that. Some names were found out, but no bodies to join. They were classified as missing in action. I saw a few bodies, they were scrambled up in this ball of titan puke, the smell was vile. Either being torn to shreds by a titan and never found, that's all they classified you as in the end... missing in action or D.I.A. Died in action. Like Marco. What a title.

Over the days the bodies were finished being collected I stayed put in my room, staring at a ceiling or reading a book. I didn't acutally read, I just... thought.

They were two titans captured by some chick nut ball. She was doing experiments on them, apparently someone killed them over night. She was torn and it was presumed someone had used their 3D maneuvering gear to escape so they did a full inspection on our gear so I was forced to get up and actually go someone, though I was hesitant.

I did the same as I did the days before and just stared as they checked, I continuously clinched and unclinched my fists as I thought. Was I really going to do this?

 

There was four pits set up, all filled with burning bodies. I stood, glancing down at the weeping Connie. I glanced around at everyone, they had either a blank stare, teary eyes, or shaking in their skin. Everyone's... having second thoughts. If they knew how hellish it is they wouldn't have chosen to become soldiers. They have nothing left in them anymore... That's all they can think about.

I approached the fire, squatting down where small pieces of charred bones lied. I picked one up, holding it in the palm of my hand.

Marco... I can't even tell which bones are yours anymore. I remember seeing his lifeless body, slumped over like... like he was nothing. If I hadn't become a solider, I wouldn't have to worry about who would be next. I squeezed my eyes shut, grasping my fingers around the anonymous bone in my hand.

'Are we going to abandon everything we learned? After so much sacrifice and just become Titan fodder?'

Eren's voice repeated in my head, remembering the speech he gave us back at the academy. Sure, I realised... that we would have to keep fighting. But not everyone can become a fool who rushes to his death like you... Eren.

I heard foot steps coming towards me, yet they sounded so distance and... unreal. I opened my eyes and turned to the right with a soft gasp. There stood Marco, his full body, light brown eyes that sparkled along with his short parted black hair, then those freckles. You couldn't miss them. They made him special. I knew this couldn't be real.

"I want you to listen to me without getting angry" Marco stated with a soft smile, I sat there in my same position, on my knees, body facing the fire.

"You're not strong, Jean. That's why you understand how the weak feel and you're adapt at properly assessing a situation" Flashes of Marco ran through my mind, we were refuelling our maneuvering gear. He smiled at me, his white teeth flashing. "So you know exactly what has to be done at any given time" He finished, these wonderful images spilling away.

I gasped, clinching my fist quickly as I stood up. This was almost becoming a habit. I was about to turn around but took a look at the fire, "What should I do?" I whispered to it, hoping somewhere that Marco heard it.

I turned to face Krista, Sasha, and Ymir. "Hey, you guys" I spoke abruptly, they all looked over with grim expressions. "Have you decided which corps you're going to join?" I questioned slowly, my face showed a mix of many different emotions but the one that stood the most was awareness, realisation. "I've made my decision" I continued, Connie looked up at me, sniffling.

I put my fist near my mouth, using my other one to restrain myself as I gritted my teeth, my hands suddenly becoming interesting as I stared at them.

"I'm... I'm... joining the Scout Regiment!" I exclaimed, the tears brimming at my eyes, burning, begging to fall. Without given permission the tears began to flow one at a time as I sniffled, then a waterfall of tears mazing down my face.

I'm willing to abandon my selfish ways for Marco. I don't want to meet a disappointing end with someone burning my bones without knowing how I died. I'm sorry Marco... I'm sorry you died alone and no one noticed for days. I should have noticed or something. I'll always regret that I never got the chance to tell you...

 

Today was the say we chose what corps to join. I approached the four figures who stood against a bricked wall. Annie, Armin, Sasha, and Connie.

"Jean!" Armin quickly spoke up, "Are you really joint the Scout Regiment?"

"Yeah" Was all I said in a casual tone, Sasha came off the wall a bit to speak.

"Why the sudden change of heart?" She nearly exclaimed, until she lowered her head with a softer tone. "I mean you know... Aren't you afraid?"

"Huh!?" I raised a brow, turning my head to the side slightly as my lips curved into a frown. "No one wants to join the Scout Regiment!"

"What? Then why're you?" Connie asked.

"I didn't make my decision because I'm not scared of the Titans" I placed my hands on my waist as I heard Connie mutter something; yet I continued. "I'm not going to say that talented people should join the Scout Regiment" I let my hands fall, "I'm not like guys who have a death wish"

Connie averted my gaze, staring at his feet. "You mean like Eren?" He asked sadly, already knowing the answer. "He's already with the Scout Regiment"

"Cadets! Fall in!" A man yelled. "Face the stage." I heard people all around me begin to trample their way through, I stayed still.   
"No one convinced me to risk my own life. This is one job... I have to decide on my own" I spoke convincingly enough as I spun around and walked away.

 

We all stood in formation as we faced a large stage with torches all around.

"I am Erwin Smith, commander of the Scout Regiment. Today is the day you must choose a corps to join" The commander had blonde hair slicked back over a dark colored hair underneath, thick blonde eyebrows that oddly suited him. He held his hands up behind his back, as spoke sternly.

"I'm here today to invite you to join the Scout Regiment. During the last Titan attack, you discover the terror of Titans and the limitations of your own abilities. However... in this battle, more than ever before, we made progress towards victory... Thanks to the existence of Eren Jaeger." I scoffed quietly to myself. "His all-out efforts proves beyond any doubt that he is on our side. Furthermore, with his help, we not only stopped the Titan invasion. We gained a means to understand the true nature of Titans!"

"What?" I gasped, along with the hundred others around me doing the same.

"Located in the basement of his home in Shiganshine District we believe there is a secret to the Titans that even he is unaware of. If we can reach that basement we may gain a clue to break free from a century of Titan domination!" More gasps. Expect Reiner and Bertolt who whispered something to each other, Bertolt looked petrified... hmm.

"We're already that close?" One male said quietly to his pal.

"If we know what the Titans are, our situation might.." Another.

"We will set out for the basement, located in Shiganshine District. But, in order to do so it is imperative that we take back Wall Maria. That is to say, our objective remains unchanged" A small woman and a taller man folded open a map beside the Commander, a map of the three walls with red x's and black arrows. He turned to face it. "But now we are unable to use the gate in the Trost District, we must take a roundabout route from Karanes District to the east"

"The route we spent four years building for our army has become completely useless. During those four years more than 60 percent of the Scout Regiment died. Sixty percent in four years... An insane causality rate. This group of new recruits will join us on our expedition outside the wall one month from now. The chances are 30 percent that you will die" Many gasps could be heard from all round, even some looked as if they were about to be sick.

"Four years from now, the majority of you will be dead but those who overcome that will become superior soldiers with a high survival rate." He took a minute before speaking again. "You know the dismal state of affairs. Those of you who are willing to put your lives on the line, remain here. Ask yourselves: "Am I willing to give my heart to mankind?" That is all I have to say. Those of you joining another corps are dismissed."

And with that one's, then tens, then 20 people at a time rushed past me, making their leisure. I stared down st my feet, gritting my teeth. I felt all alone as everyone zoomed passed me to escape what could have become their start of hell. I remained still but hesitant. 'Damn!' I muttered in my head, I began to turn around with the rest of them.

'C'mon you made up your mind. Don't make me hate myself anymore than this..' I yelled at myself in my head. 'We already know what it's like. We've... we've already seen...'

I shouted out loud to the top of my lungs due to my grief getting to me.

There we stood. The very few who stayed.

"You people. If someone tells you to die, would you do it?" The Commander asked.

"We don't want to die!" One of the remaining men shouted.

"I see" He responded quietly. "I like the looks on your faces."  
"Then effective immediately...!" He shouted, in his commander tone. "I welcome all of you here as new members of the Scout Regiment! This is a real salute! Give your heart!"

"Yes, sir!" We all shouted, we hand behind our back, the right hand in a balled up fist on our heart.

"This sucks... I'm in the Scout Regiment of all things.." I looked down as I ignored the cries or anger from the others.

"You did well to control your fears. You are all brave soldiers. You have my heartfelt respect"

 

"Salute" The man yelled. "I am your squad leader... Ness" My expression was purely blank as I payed attention to Ness... Surprisingly enough. "And this is my horse... Charlet" He smiled at the horse, petting its light brown nose. Oh...

He talked more about the horse before it started to try and eat his hair, we all just looked at him.

 

The next day instead of actual combat, our training consisted of boring tactics of how this expedition is going to work. Armin took notes, I'll ask him later. We were told we were to ride horseback in certain positions.

We're leaving I'm a month.

Shit.


End file.
